right now i'm sitting in a very bliss-filled spot.

i def feel THIS inside:

and i'm also swimming in this:

and all together it feels just like this moment:

kinda like Spring

of the heart

on the last saturday at squam i had some time in jen lee's class to get out and connect with my heart and with nature.  i wrote a little about it here.  as i stood by the shore i felt this pull to release a wish into the ocean. yearning for an open heart, i began to write OPEN in the sand but before i was done the waves swallowed it up.  i stepped up the shore a little bit and tried again; again it swept my word away before i could even finish writing (and i wanted a picture dangit!)  so i watched the waves tumble in for a moment and decided to write it on the very edge of where the highest swell had danced. 

i scrawled OPEN quickly, thinking that surely the next wave would be washing it away.  then i stood back and began clicking my shutter. again, SURELY the NEXT wave would wash it away.  well, it never did.  my OPEN stayed dry, the sand beneath it immoveable, as wave after wave after wave wandered near it, but never took it away.  the beach and i, we remained open.

i cut myself this last tuesday. reaching into the car to get groceries out with my right hand i placed my left hand on the back head-rest and sliced my finger on a piece of glass left from when my husband's back window was smashed open. i quickly reacted to see what had happened and saw the cut before it began to bleed.  the cut was small but deep, and being located on a joint it kept reopening as i tried to bandage it with a little lavender oil.  with a good amount of pressure the bleeding stopped and i could see the places it was already beginning to heal.

the next morning i re-bandaged and went on with the day, my finger still hurt but i babied it, until i had all but forgotten.  and then when it had totally left my mind i stretched a little further than i had previously and it popped back open.  and while the pain wasn't as significant as the first time the skin was opened, it still hurt, it still bled, and it still hampered my progress.  and so the dance of healing and opening continued with my little cut.

i have a tendency to want to be as open as possible with my heart, my memories, my time.  but it's a balance because i often over-extend myself by so doing.  sometimes i put too much of myself out there and it ends up hurting, striking something deeper than expected.  i'm learning the art of the onion: peeling away layers instead of immediately slicing to the core.

i'm learning what it takes to be open and immoveable.

i'm finally getting to a place where i can properly edit and process not just the pics but my emotions from squam.  one of the things that i love about the set up of squam is that it's all inclusive, if YOU want to go, then go.  start saving your pennies, make it a priority, and GO, there is nothing stopping you.  you will meet lovely people that you've "known" for awhile, and you will meet many, many others who are serendipity's gift to you.  and you'll make cool art.  and soak up nature. and eat amazing food that you didn't have to prepare or clean up. ;-)  just go.

on sunday morning as everyone was eating our last breakfast and saying goodbye i realized that i didn't have any pictures of so many of my loves, the time flies by so quickly and i missed SO many lovely ladies! i passed my camera from person to person, cuddled up and clicked. see what i mean:

the evening before we packed up, our cabin girls gathered around a fire and giggled and laughed and relaxed completely.  it was so lovely and fulfilling.

 more pics here

hello loves.

you know that feeling when everything is so fantastic that you can't seem to even get a breath in or out due to all of the fun, all of the love, and all of the things going on??? i think it looks something like this:

and it's exactly where i've been and what i'm feeling.
so i'm sorry for not checking in to announce the winner of our impossible dream giveaway. but here i am! and the winner is...
erin who said: I'd actually like to win this giveaway for my best friend, whose 3 yr old son was just diagnosed with verbal Apraxia. We'd all desperately like to believe he will speak someday.
 
i am so grateful to all of you who dared to dream big last week, the responses were so lovely. and while i tried to directly email you my support as you commented there are some that don't list their email addresses on your comments... to YOU, i believe in your impossible dream and sincerely hope that you'll continue writing it, believing it, moving and shaking towards it.

i believe firmly that there is no impossible dream, that all things are possible. so my possible dreams for this week: to get everything ready to go to squam on time, to create love and beauty in the woods of new hampshire, to travel with peace in my belly and ease in my stride, for my family to be taken care of as if i was here (it apparently takes 5 adults to replace me, hrmmmm), and for squam to ignite my creative spirit and send me on another soul journey. now, is that too much to ask?

i've also got a huge bloggie announcement that i'm hoping to make before i leave wednesday morning... we shall see. stay tuned.

when i originally configured this giveaway i knew there were 8 of us in the cabin with 8 weeks left until squam. but then one of our roommates, elizabeth (who i can't wait to meet!), didn't have a website. so then i had this one week to fill... hrmmm... there are so many, many, many lovelies that are coming to squam how do i possibly fill this last week with only one of them? if i had a cabin of 40 women i'd still have a hard time narrowing it down; there's just so much goodness. so i picked two instead knowing that i can't cover everyone that i care for so deeply.

meet nina

and brittany

these are my soul mama's. last year they were both pregnant at squam, brittany had her twins on january 22 and nina had lulu on january 28th. and while i wasn't pregnant i tend to pamper myself for at least 2 years after giving birth (i am a pampered princess!), so plenty of snacks were shared, bellies rubbed and time spent at the back of the pack walking down the trails at a slower pace. not being close for the births of their babies was extremely difficult for me, i wanted to be there to mop floors and do dishes, make dinners and hold babies for mama's to shower... and we're 2100 miles apart. ouch.

for nina's half of the giveaway she writes:

giveaway is for some nina beana randomness, including-

1. quilted woobie (little blankie of love) that's backed with soft vintage chenille for snuggly snuggling

2. pack of notecards and envelopes with a boy scout theme

3. pack of postcards with a wilderness/chickenpox theme

4. pack of scrap/notes with a sesame street theme

and for brittany's half she writes:

I was trying to think about what I could offer for Jenica’s giveaway and I remembered how last year I made myself a journal just for Squam Art Workshops. I loved it. I still love it. So I decided to make one for this giveaway. If you’re going to squam you can fill it up with squammish things. If you’re not going to squam, you can fill it up with whatever your heart chooses. (But in my mind I’m picturing that it will get filled up with plans and dreams and impossible things that really come true because you want them to.)I love this quote from Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll:

“There is no use trying,” said Alice; “one can’t believe impossible things.”

“I dare say you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

Write it down, baby. When you write it, it’s like meaning it for reals. Like an affirmation to yourself: Your dreams are worth it; you can make the things that seem impossible HAPPEN.

to have a chance of winning all this loveliness leave a comment with your one impossible dream for this week. comments will close on thursday, sept 10th, 2009 @ 11:59 PM MST.

nina can also be found in her shop, where she's liquidating in prep for fall (she's getting ready to post a bunch of vintage yummies... so keep on eye on her!) on flickr, at her blog and on wishmama's (you MUST see this video).

brittany can also be found in her shop (go see her delicious aprons!), on her flickr, on her blog (did i mention she has FIVE kids?), and also at wishmama's.

do not miss out on these two ladies.