wednesday night was another sleepless one, as in, i didn't get even one minute of sleep.  as the sun came up i remembered just how beautiful and energizing morning light is. i grabbed the camera and my lensbaby and began to experiment with the light streaming in.  the above set is out of focus, but i still love the raw flow of it.

then on friday a cue at shuttersisters showed me another reason i took these pics.  i was craving reality, in that moment i had wanted to fully see myself.  after a night of no sleep and other factors i felt worn down inside and out.  but our physical self is not all that we are, it's not even the only thing other people see.  i needed to see all of me right then, whispy facial hair and grease build up as it was.  and despite feeling so worn down, i can see the strength of my soul in these photographs.

i hope you'll turn the camera on yourself.  it's not vanity, it's not pompous, it's allowing yourself to see what other people see in you. it's about perception. it takes time, it takes practice, it takes trust, and there are many many many resources out there to help you gain the courage and direction to do it. wanna see some oldies? where i started.

 "only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructable be found in us."~Buddha~

for the full set

whether it be on christmas morning
or your birthday
or just because,
when a gift is presented to you
are you the type of opener
that dives right in,
ribbon and paper flying in your wake?
or are you meticulous,
lifting the tape away from edges,
folding the paper nicely when you're done?
or do you put it aside,
opening it later when you have more time,
when everyone isn't looking at you?

i think blogging has spoiled me for friendships. i've been blessed enormously to find so many like minded individuals across the world, soul sisters connected through our ISP's. with my blog i write who i am, my dreams, my failings, my struggles, my successes; i am an open book for your reading pleasure. i stand with open arms and an open heart in this space. meanwhile i can be found reading about you and your life, finding people that i share ideals and virtues with. i'm so pleased to find so many lovies that are living their lives openly, diving right in and making a safe place for sharing more than just recipes.

when i contrast this with REAL life, it's hard for me to be so patient. i can spend 2 months getting to know someone that i met at del taco; each conversation slowly building upon ages of children, weather, family relations, common interests, work stories, etc... only to find that the relationship really isn't matched that well. or i come on too strong, share too much too quickly, and scare people off (big surprise, right?)

i'm richly blessed with the friendships i have both on and off screen. i also feel that my life is most fulfilling when i'm surrounded by friends and family. i love to be there for other people, helping to strengthen and uplift them in times of darkness, and playing whole-heartedly in times of joy and ease.

in your friendships do you jump right in and share yourself,
do you quietly (patiently) enjoy the process of opening up slowly,
or do you wait for the relationship to open itself?

two years ago today i wrote this, and posted chapter one and two of a novel i had worked on for nanowrimo.

today the little 13 week old fetus from yester-year did her best to pop into my pic for the self portrait challenge. and i sit amazed with how much two years can do to change a person: emotional, spiritually, physically, familially, etc. i am happy. happy with my life and my situation, feeling loved, able to GIVE again.

it's a good day.

with only one mirror in my house, i'm fresh out of ideas...and we still have a few WEEKS! so i'm taking inspiration from a fellow spc'er and muse.
it's amazing to be so close to one's reflection, it truly begins to look like two seperate people sitting head to head. our faces aren't symmetrical and it becomes that much more evident in this exercise.

for more smoke and mirrors