last week i had the opportunity of co-hosting our first RAW night (random art workshops). it was beautiful, yummy, open and kind. i've wanted to do something like this for a long, long time but didn't feel like i had people in close proximity who would want to do an art night. apparently, artists will travel! and while there were only four of us that joined together that night, sparkly magic still swirled around us. i provided the activity, art journaling, and amy provided the house and munchies. really, the only downfall to doing this is having to wait until next month to do it again! the conversation opened up to pretty raw topics as well, but we each felt safe to share our truths.

my hope and desire is to have little RAW nights pop up all over the place, giving us crafty girls a place to peacefully create and share. if you do start one, please share it here so that we can help to connect women.

i'm a mess right now. she's done. she's really, completely, totally done. and i've been turning myself inside out about it all week. i can't really explain it; i'm truly in disbelief that i did this, it's one part awe and 7 parts torture. i can't remember the details of painting it, it all feels so surreal.

i realize i'm being melodramatic. but the truth is this, i don't know if i can do it again; maybe this was just a major fluke, maybe i can't do it without my teacher standing over me, maybe i can't do it with my own model. i just want to run and hide. i haven't painted at home in weeks.

and with the squam art show deadline this week ... i just want to crawl into bed and forget about it. after all of the encouragement i've offered to other peeps i just can't seem to go through with it myself. my heart is jumping out of my throat as my tears soak my shirt. when did i become this psychotic artist, willing to cut off my own ear if necessary? seriously. ;-D

before this class my work was more like play, abstracts and textures, paper and paint, imagination and eccentricity. i'm finding now that both ways are mine, both ways open up my soul and expose my inner parts... the realism demons are just a lot louder.

~~~edited to add~~~ after a night of sleep and some real thinking about irrational thoughts i feel SO much better. i had allowed the tiny mistakes to encompass my feelings of the whole. once i had written down all of my thoughts here i realized how i had allowed them to change how i really feel about the painting. i can do this again, it will take me time just like it did before, but i can do it. thanks for the love.

dakota girl

from squam

still trying to overcome these fears of rejection and woe. i present my week in paint:

tree of life
this one is still in process, since taking this pic i've added some cubes and collage.
do you remember this one? i hated it, it felt so flat and drab to me. i liked the detail of the orange, but the color and texture were all wrong. i present to you the jazzed up version:

reach out and squam someone! and by that i mean: inspire, encourage, uplift, strengthen, or love wholeheartedly.