last weekend my husband went upstairs to take a shower and came back downstairs with a stache. now, don't get me wrong, i love me some facial hair... but a mustache? that's a caterpiller of the mouth in my opinion. it's no stretch of the truth to say that i refused to kiss him until it was shaved (2 days later). now with a new goatee growing in i wish him the happiest of birthdays. 33 years he's lived on this earth, and i've only known him for about 9 of those years.

.:i'm grateful for the man i married, how we've grown and changed together, and how he stands as the voice of reason in my times of insanity.

.:i'm grateful for his support in my artistic endeavors, sacrificing his own time and money in order to give me the gift of allowing my talents to blossom.

.:i'm grateful for his keen mind and intellect; that he's a constant seeker of light and truth; that he encourages me to never settle for mediocrity.

.:i'm grateful for his enduring love as the father to our children. how when he comes home from work, he is h.o.m.e., present, and ready for tickle fights or art projects or math lessons.

.:i'm grateful for him, all of him.

this week i've thought a lot about which direction to take my weekly gratitude list and i keep on coming back to myself. so at the risk of sounding narcisstic, but more realizing that we each have so much to be thankful for:

i am grateful for my body.

my eyes. it doesn't matter how much weight i gain or lose, what color my hair is, or what time of year it is; i think my eyes are beautiful. i'm grateful for long, thick eyelashes. i remember when i was 5 years old i had this frou-frou lace dress that i wore to church. it was yellow with layers upon layers of white and yellow lace. i would lift the lace on the sleeves up to my face and then bat my eyes at strangers. i felt so beautiful.

my eyes; this time to see with. i'm grateful that through my contacts or glasses i can see leaves and pine needles from a distance. i can read the words on a page. i can recognize those that i love as they walk towards me. i can photograph the beauty of the world.

my muffin top. strange as it may be, when i look at my stretched belly i'm reminded of my four happy pregnancies, my four healthy babies, my ability to conceive. this year i have learned many, many lessons from wonderful women about the pains of infertility. my soul has ached for my friends and i've learned just how lucky i am to have that muffin top.

my voice, i'm grateful for the gift of song, for speech, for laughter.

my hands; with them i soothe a child's tears, paint a canvas, touch and fold paper, crochet scarves and monsters. my hands reach out and hug, caressing the neck and hair of my babies. for the ability to write real letters.

my legs and feet; to carry me wherever i want to go. to run 3.5 miles last night, stopping only because the gym closed. to wear happy socks and fishnets.

my spirit; the ability to discern and read others, to feel their spirits, and recognize their souls. for intuition and direction in my life granting warnings or caution when needed and bringing tears to my eyes for the sake of joy and happiness.

i am filled with gratitude today. i wish you very happiest of holidays, for memory filled and made days, for love wherever you are. xoxoxo

i am so grateful for:

1) my husband: when i first met him i knew he was a seeker, a seeker of truth, a seeker of light. he never ceases to thrill me with new thoughts or ideas. he listens to me and doesn't always agree; he is not a yes man, but a man of truth and honor. he challenges me to be better than i am, to reach higher, to be my best. we have never had a moment of *the silent treatment.* he is passionate and opinionated, silly and boisterous.

2) my E: her giggle: infectious. her voice: mature and soothing. her thoughts: precocious. her manner: responsible and organized. for so many years i honestly felt that she hated me. as she grew older and learned of how i felt that the love scale was unbalanced (she was a complete and total daddy's girl), she makes a HUGE effort to show her love for me now. kisses and cards, snuggles and gifts, help with chores and lots of one on one time. it's like she's read the 5 love languages and showers me with all five.

3) my boy: playful, imaginative, driven. i remember when he was little and would throw these massive temper tantrums lasting hours, we knew then that he would be able to list sticktuitiveness on his resume someday. as much as E is my mini me, F is the mini me of the hubs. very serious and stoic, nearly pious in the way he sees things. but also extremely active and playful. being a boy of few words, we listen when he speaks.

4) my G: she holds the key to every persons heart. she reaches out and loves the unlovable. she climbs into the laps of strangers, both worrying me and melting my heart. i can't be mad at her, no matter what she's done to my house. she's changed all the rules of the house, i've become a much more relaxed and happy mom... when i'm not pulling my hair out. i find wadded up pieces of toilet paper in my contact case, but i have to see them as gifts from her.

5) my baby: oye vay! she has become quite the trouble maker lately. but still, through all of the hitting, biting, pinching, and scratching... she is my little bird. she never leaves my side for long. when i sit on the floor she cuddles into my lap, scooting away to pick up a toy, and then returning to show me it. she is fiercely protective of me. i am certainly loved by her.

6) my motha and brotha: times have been hard, we've been through a lot. but in the end i have a mother that loves me and a hardworking brother (and wifey!) that love me too. having my mom closer has been a huge blessing, she has in times past dropped everything in order to take care of my kids when i was sick, or given us the night off and babysat my kids. she does my dishes (even if she doesn't load my dishwasher the way i like! ;-D) my brother and his wife are a beautiful couple who are so great with my kids. my kids just can't get enough of them!

7) my in-laws: hands down i have the best in-laws in the entire world. they love me for me, they encourage my growth, they are easy to be around, loving, and helpful. they do the most selfless things for the good of MY family. in the beginning i felt a little judged or misunderstood, but i have since come to the realization that it was actually ME being judgemental and misunderstanding them. we laugh, a lot. but we're also ok just being.

i love my dear family.

the weather has been so good lately that i'm finding myself actually getting out more. i forget how much i need to be outside, how much it encourages progress. yesterday E and i went out for a photo shoot, i took pics of her, she took pics of me. we had so much fun.

as i was laying on the ground looking up at her and our camera, she starts coaching me:

"that was a great smile mama"

"you look so beautiful like that"

"you're the best photographer ever"

"now, close your eyes and smile"

i'm so grateful to have a little one that i can share my passions with. and she's good. she's really, really good. my six year old takes pictures that capture emotion, she's got composition, and a great sense of light and beauty.

so grateful for:

.: a sewage system that takes all of the yuckies far away from me
.: having friends to stay up past my bedtime talking with.
.: long, hot showers
.: pandora stations created with my favorite music:
a) ben harper with a side of dave matthews
b) sarasweet muserhead: a mix of sara bareilles, kelly sweet, muse, and radiohead
c) shiny cold beck: shiny toy guns, coldplay, beck
d) black eyed peas with a side of chris brown, beyonce, and nelly
e) yo yo mama: all cello music, all the time
.: weekend dates to a great restaurant (located in the WORST neighborhood). eating elbow to elbow with friends and strangers alike.
.: my husband. he works unceasingly for our family, for me, enabling us to live the life we want to life. he also loves me for my theatrics, my mood swings, my bad temper, my crazy moments. he sees me for me.
.: my camera. while i long for something bigger and better, this little guy has enabled me to to see my life and the beauty of the world a little more clearly.