Today my baby turns two.

my baby.

after seeing these emotional pictures, the memories of my own deliveries have been at the very front of my mind. it may just be fitting that today is 8 months from the time i delivered little h.
i'm feeling profoundly grateful today for the goodness that is baby making. i'm happy for my dear friend's pregnancy, after 3 1/2 years of waiting she's finally pregnant! congratulations tiff!!! my eyes have been opened to the pains of (in)fertility in more ways than one. and my heart wraps around all women as i contemplate the pains we suffer for the chance to have babies. babies, babies, and more babies; i love them any way they come.

To begin with, Harmony Joy entered our family at 10:05 pm, August 4th, after a 3 1/2 hour delivery. She's my littlest baby at 7 pounds 11 ounces, 20 inches long. she feels so little to me.

I was watching a rerun of the simpsons when a nice contraction came and took my breath away. (and just so you know, false labor really does feel nothing like real labor, i had just forgotten...hence my mishap on july 24th.) so i sent E upstairs to get the hubs and we started packing. it just so happened that saturday night was also demolition derby night, so my in-laws/babysitters were 45 minutes away watching cars crash willy nilly into one another. we called my MIL, barbara, loaded all the kids into the car and headed to the birth center.

here is the wonderful becky checking hawmoony's heartbeat. i wish the picture came out clearer, but i can't help but love it. becky is a dear, dear friend of mine.

the labor of love surges on...

the kids kept themselves occupied in the family room with the help of becky's son, a nurse, and my wonderful barbara...

meanwhile, i got to a 10 quite peacefully. i moved to the tub to do a waterbirth, but as she began to slide downward a little bit she decided that she needed her hand over her face in order to come out. this led to the most excruciating 30 minutes of my life as her elbow scraped against me. you know when you go to the hospital and they ask you what your pain level is on a scale of 1-10? i now know what 10 is. my midwife and the nurse both cried with me as the hubs held and supported me. we all knew that i had to get past that pain and that we needed to change positions to do that.

here she is, looking very similar to the moment she came out. see that little hand, that little elbow? they aren't very nice!

once my water broke i had instant relief though. by that point we were out of the tub and *trying* to get up onto the bed. only i REALLY didn't want to move. so doing what any *NORMAL* woman would do, i birthed my baby standing up, leaning over the bed. because truly, this is what normal women do... um, okay... after my water broke she was out in 2 pushes. this was my favorite part of the whole labor.

the coolest thing about all of this *normalcy* though is that the hubs delivered! he did what he had claimed he couldn't do, he delivered!!! the hubs, with the help of becky, was able to safely catch our baby and then pass her to me. then we all climbed onto the bed, got cleaned up, and got to know one another a little better.

within seconds of being born she had her eyes wide open. as soon as we got into the bed she looked right at me and smiled... twice! how could we not name a baby JOY when she practically came out smiling? so i win!!! she's still a very smiley newborn.

then we let the rest of the brood in to get acquainted. i feel so blessed that the kids were right there a few rooms away, so that they could see her just minutes after being born. the hubs could hardly wait to go and get them and tell them she was safely here.

EDITED TO ADD: the VERY first question that E asked upon seeing the baby was an excited, "Is she INDIAN mama???" "yes, baby girl. every baby that comes from mama and daddy will be indian..."

ain't she cute?

harmony, having a surprisingly asian looking moment:

swaddled babies sleep so well...


now it's on to adjusting to *being* again. i, myself, am feeling VERY quiet right now. i've turned inward, and i'm quite reminded of my recovery with E. i'm not feeling down at all, i've just pulled in. while i didn't tear (YAY!) my back is sooooo sore, nursing isn't coming as easily as i remembered it being, and the kids aren't back to their usual selves yet.

when we came home G cried for a full hour, the first 30 minutes in the hub's arms and the next 30 in mine. she didn't even want to be consoled, she just wanted to cry and cry and cry some more. although when H started fussing G instantly stopped crying and couldn't stop giggling and loving her sister.

i know that in time everything will get back to normal. and for now... i need the time to just be...

this is me last night at around midnight at my birth center:

this is me today:

notice anything????? perhaps a large protrusion where you shouldn't have one after delivering a baby???

so last night contractions started around 9 pm. from 10-11 they were anywhere from 3-9 minutes apart. and by 11 they were down to 2-3 minutes apart. so we packed up, called a neighbor, called the imperative relatives that would be helping, and headed on into the birth center. my other labors have gone so quickly that we just knew we had to get there as quickly as possible.

i was only dilated to a 2 when we got there, which wasn't discouraging to me because we all KNOW how fast my deliveries go. i was relaxed, i was happy, i was breathing deeply. we watched a movie, we had some toast and fruit. and then i had a series of really, really intense contractions that were almost 2 minutes long with only a break of about 30 seconds between them. i thought to myself, "here we go!" so we moved back to the bed to be more comfortable, i plugged in my walkman with my hypnobirthing cd and i began to prepare for serious labor.....