but i do want to share what this trip did to my heart, my mind, my soul. so i'm going to continue on.

sunday, feb 14th, was dripping in love::adoration::kindness::tranquility. see?

for pics of more than just sunset (as well as our favorite mermaid) click on over

over the weekend my oldest was baptized. as the families and friends of three little girls gathered in anticipation and celebration i grew concerned that i wouldn't be able to even see my little girl take this plunge in her life. we were all there to witness, but there were just so many of us squeezed into such a small area.  first girl done, i took E by the hand and led her through the door to the font. as she bravely walked down the steps to her father's warm embrace i found my perfect viewing spot in the secluded alcove between font and changing room. i watched as the words were spoken. i watched as she was willfully immersed beneath the water, rising into her new life with responsibility behind her choices. i watched as she rose beaming with JOY.  and then i gathered her into a towel and helped her dress into warm clothes. i was so grateful to find this picture on my camera, a capture of that special moment, among the bustle and excitement, between mama and child.

1) she needs to be an accountant/financial planner: balancing my checkbook, getting bills sent out on time, helping me to get ahead and look towards the future. while doing this it would also be great if,

2) she also needs mad organizational skills: helping me find a place for each of my piles of chaos, organizing the toy room, the kids clothes, kids shoes, and my art supplies so that i can finally breathe.

3) know what else she could help me with? cooking healthily on a budget. the poop hits the fan with children/mama's patience at about 5:30 each day. how convenient that it comes down right at dinner time! when this happens i find myself just reaching for the pasta-roni and wishing away the minutes until bedtime.

4) another thing, i'm a goddess with the laundry, good with school, good with bathtimes, bedtimes, and booktimes; so it's not like she'd be doing everything! but if she found joy in doing the dishes and scrubing the tub (my arms are too short!) well, she'd be just about perfect.

when i walk into my bathroom i catch a view of that *perfect woman,* if i just had patience enough to wait for her to do it all.

at 7:54 am, eight years ago, she came floating into the world. i delivered in a waterbirth tub in our tiny, college apartment after 7 hours of hard labor. convinced that she was actually a he, i counted every little toe and finger before discovering that E had made her appearance before F. and i've thanked God every day since for sending them in this order.  she is the kindest, giggliest, most giving child a mama could ask for and i'm honored to be her mother.

now, if you would, if you have any special memories of lil' E, or a birthday wish, will you leave them here for her?

happy birthday baby girl. i love you so.

we took a trip.

a damn fine one if i do say so myself.

after 9 years together, the hubs and i have finally found a balance in our vacationing styles: he likes to lounge and relax, while i prefer to go, go, go. when we take short, rushed, unplanned trips one of us always ends up frustrated, the compromise we've found is taking a few more days to take our time and go, go, go.

this trip was necessary for me, i've gotten SADevery year for as long as my memory serves, but this past year has been an especially rough one for my emotional well being; scratch that, the past 4 years have been rough.  by january/february my mind and spirit begin to crack and i yearn for sunshine, flip flops, and sand.  granted, i'm sure most everyone feels this way to one degree or another.  so this year i quite specifically planned this trip for when i typically break down, and it gave me something to look forward to.  i knew that in in just 6 weeks, 5 weeks... 9 days, 8 days... i would have warmth and sunshine and i'd be eating food i didn't have to prepare.

on top of my selfish need for sun was the fact that my kids have been planning this trip for 5 years now.  when E was just three years old she saw her first commercial for disneyland and begged to go.  looking at my then pregnant belly and knowing that more children were in the near future i thought i'd put it off for a few years by telling her that we'd try to go when she turned eight. since then they have squirreled away every spare coin for our imminent trip to disney.  she turns eight in just a few days, the time had finally come to fruition.

the first day we drove. and stopped to pee. and then drove some more. the kids happily watched several movies and colored in activity books while the hubs and i chatted, listened to music, and got some good soul searching in while tom announced our directions. and then we drove some more. at one of our stops the kids all reached for their coats when we got out, i laughed and reminded them that it was warm here, they wouldn't need their coats.  F then questioned, "so this is where the birds fly?"

we drove until we finally reached sweet dana point.  the kids jumped back and forth from bed to bed for more than an hour while the hubs and i unpacked and got everyone settled in. in the midst of the chaos E exclaimed, "it's even better than i imagined!"

 the first morning in a hotel is always an early one, but when the kids began jumping on the beds again at 5:45 am, i was less than enthused.  the kids quickly learned the joys of early morning cartoons before we would make our way down to breakfast. 

san diego zoo was the first item on our want to do list.  and while we only saw 1/3 of it, the kids loved every minute of it. it seems like every animal on the planet was in the park. we took a double decker tour bus ride around the park and got quick glimpses of everything and then set out on foot. 

when we saw a gigantic line to see the pandas we just about skipped it, but E reminded us that the pandas were the main reason we had come to the zoo, we'd probably never get another chance. (that 8 year's a thinker!) luckily the line moved quickly and we got to see them in all their quiet cuddliness. i was very impressed at how quietly our kids observed and how long they wanted to stop and watch for.  we lucked out, pandas are big time sleepers but we happened to catch both sisters awake for a bit. 

that evening we drove back towards our hotel stopping at a tiny italian place to get some dinner.  worn out from our travels F curled up on the bench and fell asleep, long before the food arrived.

for more pics, i'll be adding more to this set on flickr as the days roll on.

when G gets what she wants or is in any way very happy with what you've done for her, she begins to make promises. promises like, "i wiw dwaw you a pictuw with hearts, and you, and me, and wuv." or "i wiw bake you cake!" but it doesn't end there, her eyes begin to sparkle as she explains the process with gusto:

"we wiw dwaw a pictuw togethah, you and me, and dad, and aww da kids. we will dwaw and dwaw and WUV!!"

and then she runs for paper.

i began to feel a little nervous as we sat down to dwaw togethah. what if she doesn't like my silly cartoon version of us? what if it's not what she wanted, or expected, as this idea came to life within her mind? but with her orangutan eyes fixated on my pen i began to draw. i had only finished her figure, the hill and the flowers in her dress when she snatched it out of my hands. "my tuwn!" she said with glee.

it was then that i finally got it through my thick head. this process wasn't about my art. it wasn't about me. it was about drawing WITH my girl. she filled in the other members of our family, putting hearts in E's hair and laughing raucously when she added a mohawk in place of F's crew cut. i showed her how to make swirls and tufts of grass, she added a sun and her name. then it was my turn to fill in the rest as she drifted off to sleep.

creativity isn't about being the first or the best.

it's about loving what you do.

living with passion.

and showing up to work together,

with WUV.

 it's the year of giving, according to them.  i found the promotion just in the knick of time, found a service that four of us qualified for and decided that somehow, despite past evidence, i was domestic enough to pull this off.  i have tied many a quilt, tying four would be no.big.thang.

until it was a big thing. a huge, ugly, frustrating, thing.  i didn't have the right tools or props or know how.  luckily, i was saved by several crafty women, one quick thinking husband, and a girl that LOVED tying quilts and stayed motivated to get through it all.

having never gone to disneyland myself i was still having a hard time believing that it was worth the trouble.  when we dropped off the quilts and were told that they go to kids with cancer and diabetes, or that are sold to send those sweet kids to summer camps. well, that was worth it.  and now, after 30 million trips to the store, i have all the tools necessary to make quilts.  i learned how to bind them as well, making me feel uber domestic. i can bind quilts, yo!

three years.

three years have gone by with me typing my little heart out.

i've been somewhat amiss with my blog as of late and as i turn to my archives i am surprised at just how much i wrote about. i miss it, i miss writing with wreckless abandon. i look back and love that i captured so much of OUR lives, forget about me. and yet, remembering me, i love to see the progress i have made. 

recently i looked at my bamboo and noticed hard water deposits creeping up the stalks and across the top of the bowl, it was time for a good cleaning.  as i tried to pour the rocks into my collander i found that they were completely embedded within the tangle of roots. i reached for my scissors and with great care began to snip away at the weakest roots.

snip, snip, snip.

it was about restoring the bamboo to wholeness, even if that means cutting away some of the *good.* it was about pulling back to the most simple of things. now my little plants are thriving.

luckily, i had some helping hands.

she makes this face, whenever she's eating something delicious, and i can't help but want to just eat her right up. 

and them? well, they're just plain crazy.

when i saw this i felt understood.

the realization that as mothers,

we're all walking similar paths,

brings comfort to my heart.

another thing i'm looking forward to...

be a warrior from mccabe russell on Vimeo.

this girl rocks

and what she brings to the world

is nothing short of JOY and normalcy.

she's back for round three of mermaid warriors

and i'm here to encourage you to jump in,

get MESSY,

and remember how free you felt as a creative child.

and this, well, this is just creative and funny,

beautiful and disturbing

(and may or may not have some language issues)

and just a tiny little reminder...

squam registration opens feb 1st

and elizabeth is offering FIVE sessions,

give yourself a gift.

it's time to OPEN up wide to receive all the joy that exists in this world.