while i did take my nikon to Squam, i only took a handful of pics with it.  instead i preferred the nostalgia that comes from shooting instant film, "Remember when this happened five minutes ago?? That was AWESOME!" 

but looking back on the pics that i came home with, i see a story of simple bliss, good friends, hilarious evenings, moments of sweet silence, being fully embraced, and beauty reaching into every corner-- expanding my heart upwards and outwards.  and i'm so grateful that i did shoot film, because each of these moments is captured with something tangible, something i can pin to my wall to remind me of my heart song.

i flew in a day early to spend time with nina and her mudge's AND got the opportunity to have a Random Art Workshop with 11 amazing women.  traveling can be hard on me, but when you have a safe landing right into the gilbert's home and then get to spend the night creating art with friends new and dear... well, that makes for a pretty great day.

my classes were amazing, Misty Mawn is a treasure, truly.  watching her paint was a liberating experience, as i've felt the heavy weight of my own resistance this past year keeping me from pushing forward in art. but watching her fluidity, her bravery on canvas, ignited something in me again.  i have always been enamoured by her portraits, so learning and creating with her filled me up to the brim.  i got into my groove and came out glowing.  i was so grateful for her instruction, i've never drawn with charcoal before, and she started us out with the basics in creating portraits from scratch.  she moved us from charcoal to marksall, adding new dimension to our work.  and then finally on to paint.  it was thrilling and it felt like coming home.  it's been so long since i've really dug deep and pushed through on a painting, misty facilitated that for me.

taking Pixie's class was a bit of a stretch for me, ok, it was a lot of a stretch as i've never even attempted animal figures.  but i did go into class knowing that a little lioness within me was aching to be brought into fruition, so as the layers built i kept looking for her, trying to put her into a 14 x 20 inch space.  after lunch i dragged my feet back to class, feeling stuck.  pixie led a meditation with light drumming and in that space i saw exactly what i needed to do.  the lioness came out in full power, robed in royal colors, crowned in sunshine.  and while it's not quite finished, she's well on her way.

my last class was yoga and after two days of hunching over my paintings i felt like my shoulders had been replaced with a very uncomfortable rod of iron.  but after three hours of stretching and breathing, the tension wiggled out and my body relaxed.  michelle's voice and visualizations guiding all of us through our headspace and straight into the complete present moment.  i love that squam has integrated yoga into it's schedule, giving room for so much clarity during an often overwhelming week, the gentle reminder to breathe a little deeper, push a little harder, and feel a little more.

but in the end, classes are only half the story, the rest occurs among friends in cabins or on the dock, laughing until my face hurts and i may or may not have wet myself.  walking quietly along the sacred trails, spotting wildlife and wild mushrooms, the entire campground is mystical-- a place of peace and expansion.  i was emotional this year, more so than in years past, but it was a safe place for my tears, just as it was a safe place for my laughter.  our cabin was the best and each night we'd gather for story telling, massages, and spontaneous (ridiculous) photo reenactment.

my plane didn't leave until sunday at 5 pm, which gave way for a day with maya, meandering through the back roads of new hampshire. we found our way to the ivy-covered home of her teenage years, our words babbling along, tangents of thought mimicking the road followed and tracked with her enormous atlas.

and then, the experience is over.  i wake up in my bed, the silhouette of G rushing into my room, before sunlight has even broken through the sky, to make sure i am really, truly home at last.  entering our daily rhythm again, hugs and snuggles as the longing mixed with the joy of the past week settles exhaustedly into all of us.  my trip into the woods is anything but solitary, it's something each person in my family sacrifices for. my heart is replenished and overwhelmed with gratitude, i reach out to spread the light on to them, thankFULL for their willingness to let me go for those moments, thankFULL to those that fill in the gaps while i'm gone, thankFULL to elizabeth and all of the peeps that make the week possible, thankFULL for this life i live and all that fills it.