perspective
May 12, 2010 at 10:56 AM
with summer impending i was asked whether or not i was going to be getting my shorts out, i replied with a laugh that i never wear shorts because i hate my legs; my legs are short and stumpy, stretched and veiny, lumpy and frumpy. later in the week, while i was wearing a skirt, the same friend told me i had great legs. i paused to show her what i hate about my legs, my inner thighs, the stretched fat on the inside of my knees. she pointed out then what i couldn't see, that no one sees that part of me the way that i do, because i'm the only one that can truly see them from that perspective. go ahead and look for yourself, no one can see your thighs, your love handles, your whatever from the angle that you do. we see ourselves through a filter from a frankly unflattering angle.
there is a giant billboard i see every time i visit my mother. it reads in flowery writing: "love your legs, love your life!" with a number below for a plastic surgery clinic. but does loving my legs come from lasers and scalpels? or does it come from a deep understanding of what my legs do for me? can it be enough that my legs can hold me in crescent lunge for minutes upon minutes? that i can run up stairs or down a beach, that they can dance with my husband in the living room or hold me up while i hold my children. does acceptance of my body come from me or from what this society has decided is beauty?
being passionate about bodies is no new thing to me, but it's with a renewed force that i've been feeling it lately. if we could only understand the beauty we've each been given, if we could only love ourselves and our potential like we love our family and friends, if we could only see the gifts that were given to us... i can't help but think we'd love and live more freely.
i used to never allow pics of myself, when someone complemented me i would quickly dismiss it and point out a fault i see. i did this until a friend pointed out that we have little girls in our lives that love us and see only our beauty right now. if we continually dog our own appearance all it will take is one person to say to them, "oh, you look JUST like your mother" and they take on all of our own body issues.when i look at my daughters and see all of their natural beauty i'm surprised to see my own eyes looking right back at me, it's helped me to accept my body. there are still things i don't like and that's when i have to try to remember that my husband thinks i'm sexy and lovely right now. AND it actually helps that G, says things like, "i can't wait to be a mama when i grow up! with a big body and big boobs and a big butt!" to her, nothing could be better.
my mom just found some pics of me from high school, dances and goofy pics. i realized that my body was in it's prime then, tight with everything right where it belonged... and yet, i didn't love it, i couldn't accept my beauty or faults then and spent way too much time on the scale crying. so now, even though i'm not completely happy with how things are hanging, i just have to realize that i'm going to look back on these pictures we took together and see more beauty than i'm willing to see right now.
what faults are you ready to look at from another perspective?
Reader Comments (6)
i love this post.
i love that, although you talk about body image your post is predominantly about perspective, which is a slightly different tone from your post of '07 (shows that you've grown)! ...that each of us can learn from each other's perspectives, that you can change your own perspective, that you can influence other's perspectives (what G says about you, is simply beautiful and says so much about you as her mother).
and the song... it brings back so many memories. i remember the dichotomy of possibilities and limitations that i felt around the time that i first heard this song. i truly understand this song now and it almost brings me to tears to hear it again.
thank you for being you.
i wish i could find the words to tell you how this post makes me feel. it's so beautiful and insightful and possible. it's a lesson that is hard to learn and a truth that isn't easy to grasp. it's hopeful and meaningful and brave. it's one of those posts i wish i had written. the part about looking at photos of the days when you were in the best shape and realizing you didn't love yourself any better then? well that hit home. and it made me realize i need to love what's in the photo today and stop looking for all that is not. thank you.
and to steal from amy's facebook page:
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
--Anais Nin
How right you are. Love it.
My mother was (and still is) the same way; always degrading herself, finding fault in every bit of her body. She even thinks her lovely brown eyes are "boring". I inherited the same view of my body, but I didn't realize how deeply until my husband asked me while we were dating to stop insulting myself.
She was on a tirade against her looks one day with my daughter in the car, and I was suddenly a 7 year old again, listening to her complaints- and thinking wow, Imine are ugly, too. So= I asked her to stop. I pointed out that I had inherited her brown eyes, and so had my daughter (all of my kids did, as a matter of fact) and that when she said such negative things about her eyes, she was talking about ours, too.
It didn't last; old habits are hard to break. But I've changed, and I sincerely hope I don't pass it on to my kids.
Been thinking about this a great deal lately too. How to create a healthy body image for my daughter (and son). Lovely post.