tagged 
emotions, glutenous american, just me
emotions, glutenous american, just me keeping up with who?
June 3, 2009 at 4:29 PM 
last week we took a relaxing family vacation to eden that i've been stewing over since returning. maybe stewing isn't the right word: contemplating, mulling over, perplexed by, fretting, etc. i can't pinpoint just one thing that's bothering me, so it's all just gonna come spilling out.
first:: as a SAHM taking a "relaxing" vacation with my children is simply an extension of work. but with more expectations, less sleep, and limited provisions. i want a solo trip to greece right now.
second:: in order to properly relax i allowed myself to watch television... obscene amounts of cable television. i was introduced to the kardashians and like a train wreck, i found that i simply couldn't look away. i would watch this show every day if i had cable. with their beautiful faces and bodies, sorting out their beautiful problems--like whether or not to pose nude for a cause they believe in or what to name their perfume line, perhaps having an intervention after kim spent $20,000 at ONE store. *cough* ok.
third:: with all that is wrong with the world, can you even imagine how much good could be done with 20k? when $5 from individuals came together, it built a house for a deserving family. for less than the cost of a super value meal we can help provide clean water for families that have extremely limited resources. just the tiniest fraction of our income when given with love could literally move mountains. i find myself in tears whenever i contemplate it.
fourth:: and yet, i still live in a society that is truly in the lap of luxury. i may not be inclined to get plastic surgery or buy a brand new hummer, but as i powder my nose in my air conditioned house and feel too lazy (again) to make dinner tonight, i can't help but feel overwhelmed with guilt for this life i live. i have the gall to complain over how a vacation panned out?
the facts remain:
i have transportation other than my feet (a minivan and car),
i have a choice over what i will eat today (a freezer and fridge, cupboards and pantries FULL of food),
i have more than one change of clothing (a full walk in closet with enough clothes to get me through two weeks without doing laundry),
i have running water in my house (that i use for more than just a toilet: giant shower head, dishwasher, clothes washer, water heater, etc)
fifth:: i'm also inclined to believe that i'm here for a reason. we're providing a happy life for our children, we have opportunities for true service all around us. all we can really do is work where we're at, follow our path, and give all that we can. guilt isn't going to get me anywhere.
sixth:: and of course, being on vacation and swimming every day made me extremely aware of the shape of my body. i'm more than 30 pounds from healthy, let alone what the charts tell me i should be (that would be 50 pounds lighter than right now). this isn't good for my health, for the example i'm setting for my children, for the way i'm beginning to feel when i see myself in the mirror. and yet... i PAY money for a gym membership, maybe if i labored for my daily bread i wouldn't have this problem.
the time for change is now.
Reader Comments (11)
So many insights Jenica. Sending you hugs and looking forward to seeing you in September, on a vacation that will be just for YOU.
Love Steph
xox
I think along these same thoughts all.the.time. It makes me sick to my stomach quite honestly. I know I serve, I know I give of my time and talents and money, that my budget is tighter because of this and my kids might not have the newest things because these are the choices we make, but it all feels so minuscule in the grand scheme of things. My complaints about a dishwasher that doesn't run properly and a kitchen floor whose tiles are chipping pales in comparison to not having clean drinking water. Ah! I could go on and on. I just get you on this one, heart and soul I get it.
yes, i so hear you on this one honey ... i had written out a novel of a comment and then my laptop crashed, le sigh.
so instead i'll just say i can't wait to wrap my arms around you in september, peace and love my wise and beautiful friend, xo
I feel the same way about vacations. They're more work, more stressful...they aren't vacations at all for anyone but the kids, really. So I happily stay home.
I think it's ok to feel stressed out and overwhelmed, even with as pampered as we are. The stuff we're pampered with can add stresses, too. I often think about my great-grandmother, who had 6 kids, no electricity, no running water...she had to make everything they ate from scratch, including doing the gardening and butchering. I can't even imagine her life...but I have days where I can't handle the laundry AND the dishes AND the cooking AND the kids. And I think that's still *ok* for us to feel stressed and unhappy and need time to ourselves. It means we're human.
And I'd totally go to Greece with you. Sans kids. I haven't gotten away in over a year...I'm gettin' a little twitchy.
"Worry is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." That is one of my favorite sayings.
There are so many times that I sit and plan and stew over what I'm gonna do about ___, and really if I had just been working I would have been done already!
You, dear have a big heart. I sure love reading your blog, I feel like I get to know you better by the post. Love!
oh you sing my song sweet soul friend.
i don't know what else to say, except that i truly, completely understand this post to my very depths.
and...i want to run away to the forest together with our children and build a little love commune.
the end.!
;)
That's a lot of thinkin'. :) Can't wait to see you today.
I hate money.
I'm glad I read this post, I needed to be brought out of a slight pity party I've been having lately. You're so right. The time for change is NOW!! We really are blessed! THanks!
Beck
Very thoughtful. I think it's great to reevaluate once in awhile. I love how you're acting on it (I read your next post about the dresses).
I can relate to this post in so many different ways it's not even funny! But seriously, it is good to have a REAL vacation once in awhile!