sudden realization
April 20, 2009 at 11:36 PM 
i have four kids.
i have FOUR kids.
it's like today it suddenly hit me, "jenica, you have FOUR kidlets." of course i've felt it before. of course i remember bringing them each into the world. but seriously? i have four kids.
after a morning spent frolicking at the park we came home to an old mother hubbard scenario so i bit that huge bullet and piled them all into the van for a shopping excursion. they were tired from playing in the sun all morning and were now ravenously hungry. the smart thing to do would have been to just go out to eat and find another time to shop when i could go ALONE. however, i thought to myself, "how bad could it be?"
lil H screamed the whole way there, hating her car seat and did i mention she was hungry? as soon as they started climbing out of the car G took off into the parking lot prompting an older gentleman to run interference and corral her back towards me, saving her from two collisions. once we were into the store we all agreed, much to the disappointment of F, that the two little girls would ride inside the car shaped cart and the olders would walk. H promptly began biting, pinching, scratching, and pulling G's hair. about 3/4ths of the way through our trip G lost stamina and monkey climbed me. so there i was pushing this monstrosity of a cart filled with screaming kids, holding onto one in my arms, trying to find what we needed whilst keeping the olders from filling my cart with things we didn't need, like canned cat food.
each step i took brought on more looks of pity from every person in the store and i began to feel embarrassed and a little angry. angry because this is my life, the life i love, and people feel badly for me... and yet angry because the kids can make even the most simple of tasks feel SO HUGE! sometimes i just want to be the kid laying down in the middle of the aisle crying until i get what i want.
once we got everything we needed i rewarded the kids with the promise of doughnuts. as we approached the bakery we nearly mowed down an older filipino man. he turned, assessed my situation and with a smile said, "oh! what beautiful, happy children you have. i raised many children with my wife and it was hard, but now, now they are such a help to me. it all comes around, don't be afraid."
i've spent my whole day with his happy face in my mind. the day didn't get any easier, but i enjoyed it more. my chance to be with them like this is a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things.
Reader Comments (19)
If I could only stop crying I think I could come up with something clever to say here...Thank you Jenica.
what a wonderful perspective!
Next time I'll stay at the park with the kids while you go. I was going to say that I'll go with you next time, but then I had the memory of G and C running down the aisles at Hobby Lobby with their arms open wide and glass displays on either side of them, so I'll just stay at the park:)
Kudos to you, though, because I can't even handle my ONE child, and there you are tackling FOUR every day.
Thank heaven for that Filipino dude.
Ah this is so true yet so hard to remember in the thick of it. I love (nice) comments from strangers. I try to make them myself, but seeing as how I am usually the one juggling, I don't notice others plights!
I mowed my lawn with Kaylee on my hip yesterday and felt ridiculous and frustrated. Now I feel like it was a deposit and will come around :)
such a great post Jenica. you are the bomb.
I need regular reminder to savor the moments. Thank you for this!
Thanks, Jenica. I needed this. I'll quit bitching about how hard one is... :)
I don't know how you do it woman. I get stressed with just the one. You're doing a great job.
I get tired of the "you have your hands full" and the pity looks and the 'wow, you're BUSY' comments personally. And I get mad because in a grocery store, where it's huge and spacious, I feel it necessary to keep my kids quiet and perfect. So when some wonderful person comes up to me, grinning ear-to-ear, and tells me how beautiful my family is and how well behaved they are (as they're spitting in one another's faces and begging for the PINK box of cereal), it's difficult for me to refrain from hugging him or her.
Love this post. It is so true to life. Hopefully it helps to know we all do it. I still have to tell myself "What? 5? How did this happen?" Of course it's exactly what I want and I love it. Even when they scream, I wouldn't trade my kids for anything.
I loved this. After today I needed to hear something uplifting-- we had a chaotic day. And I couldn't help but imagining how much crazier I was getting ready to make it with the wee one in my belly... Four is a great number though, isn't it?
Wow - and how inspiring! But from someone who has no kids? Wow. :)
What a beautiful family you have.
xox
You have FOUR kids!
Wow. You are so brave going to the store! Hungry children = cranky, cranky children. (I get a little cranky myself if I don't get to eat every 2 hours or so.)
Hopefully, if we don't screw them up too much in their childhood, they'll be there for us when we are senile.
:)
i couldn't help but laugh, imagining you with the cart and the cat food and the meltdowns...
you are a strong, good, wonderful mama.
oh. and a sidenote. my cousin has ELEVEN children...and is preggers with her TWELTH...
yup.
you read that right.
i often think of her when i feel like my day is crazy. lol
xoxo love atcha' mama.
You're awesome for surviving the store with all of them! My first time grocery shopping with BOTH the boys, I had a meltdown and had to call Aaron to come help me--and he was still working! Now I don't go with the kids unless it's just for a couple things. So I already know I won't be doing it when/if we have four! I don't want to get too ornery with my cutie pies!
i think you are blessed ... we all have days when it is hard, no matter what our situation is but when i see a momma with a swack of kidlets, i always think how lucky she is. that said, i feel blessed in my life too and even if it didn't work out the way i thought it would, i feel blessed to have my son and the memories of my other sons who live in my heart always.
i am so glad that an angel stopped and gave you what you needed, xo
your photo's are pure happy happy
happiness...
loved finding your beautiful
space here...so enlivening...
:)
How very like Him to send you such a message.
we can't apologize for our children. Sometimes their spirits live outside of their bodies (even if that spirit means dipping into the soy nut butter with both hands... then just "happen" to run into walls, leaving sticky little reminders... that it was their spirit that made all this happen to begin with)