facebook and me
March 3, 2009 at 11:31 PM 
i recently left facebook and have received many questions about my intentions. so i'd like to explain it all in a lovely way. you see, my beginning of blogging was spawned by social networking. and blogging has changed my life in dramatic ways that i never would have imagined. i've made lasting friendships and explored my creative self, all with a cheering section that has continued to encourage me even when i felt like i had nothing left to give.
i had a myspace account for about a year and found a few old friends on it, but my account got phished and i found myself frustrated with the immaturity of the ads and setup. so i switched to facebook and was overwhelmed with how many people i knew who were already using it. i was thrilled to find suz, emily, and anna; all friends that i had lost touch with over the years. after going to squam facebook became my mainstay for keeping in constant contact with my tribe. it's really a lovely thing to be able to see everyone's pictures, it's helped me to feel connected to their daily lives.
and as good as all of this is, herein lies the problem: i am an extremely extroverted person and i feel like facebook for me has become a dinner party that i'm hosting. i feel obligated (self inflicted of course) to comment on everything, stay up to date with everyone, have conversations even when i don't feel chatty. and people just kept on showing up to the party, it was never ending. and i lacked the self control to just head to bed when i got tired of the party. instead i continued adding people, pouring drinks for the new arrivals, commenting on every adorable outfit, old friends began inviting me to be friends with new friends and conversations like, "didn't we have 7th grade english together?" insues.
it became compulsive. if i was on the computer for anything i had a facebook page open. i couldn't sleep until i had checked my wall and cleared all of my notifications out. this is my problem. hello, my name is jenica and i'm addicted to facebook.
that was the first problem and if that is all that it was, i'm sure i'd just keep rationalizing it until my death. but the second problem is a little trickier, it involves the need for having REAL relationships. i found that i could *talk* to 30 people a day on facebook but still walk away feeling empty. i found that i was communicating through facebook with the people i live within walking distance from. my real life relationships were/are dwindling because of the amount of screen time i allow. wouldn't an email, a phonecall, or heaven forbid: a HUG mean more?
so that's where i'm at. i need to clear some headspace for important things and relationships in my life. i closed my facebook account on sunday night. today and yesterday i received kind, personal emails from friends and family asking how i was doing. the relationships i had on facebook will not die because i'm not there. at least that's what i keep telling myself.
Reader Comments (12)
I'm right behind you on this one....blogging is great, facebook bothers the crap out of me !
soon...mine will be closed,too, without any disappointment and they all know where to find me.
I really get you here. I think you made a wise choice, one that I think inevitably awaits for me. But I wrestle with the notion (for example) that if not for FB I doubt our paths would have crossed again- and I really like that they have! But that is my little battle right now. If not FB, I am glad you are still keeping this little spot occupied.
i hear you woman!! there are so many sites to network through, but there doesn't seem to be any REAL connections maintained there. i'm sure you'll find it liberating, calming once you're over the withdrawal. i hope this makes you happier!
:) I totally understand your feelings on this one, and support it. Way to be strong Jenica :)
Ahhh the social networking conundrum... :) I feel ya.
I will still be checkin the blog, and I believe we are long overdue a phone conversation.
Love you!
yup, its the facebook conundrum which for me is solved by never going there. the thing for me is that everyone uses it ~ all our bbq, pajama party, dinner party, birthday party, etc. come through facebook invites and i want to accomadate my friends here whose only online presence is facebook so everything streams to my email so when i get an invite, i can quickly login and accept and then add it to our calender. same goes for facebook emails, they go to my regular email and i can quickly login and respond as needed.
but ... i am never there. i update my profile photo and status once a month or so and otherwise, i just don't have the time :-) because yeah, i'd rather talk on the phone, or look my friends in the eye so i can smile and hug them and um ... really, i have enough online addictions as it is, tee hee
hugs honey ... can't wait to hug you in person, xo
Great minds think alike. I've been recently contemplating closing my facebook acount as well, but for different reasons that I won't weigh your blog down with. I'm too wishy-washy to make an actual decision, though, so I'm simply not going to the site. And...my laundry is caught up, and I've been reading to my kids for over an hour a day for the past 2 weeks. Weird. *grin*
I'm totally addicted to Facebook as well, but don't yet have the brutal self-control needed to delete my account. I only allow myself one or two "Facebook checks" per day now, instead of every hour. (I know, I'm totally pathetic.) I know that my book would be moving along much quicker without all the time-suckers! I completely support you in your decision. =)
I am so happy that we found each other again before you closed your account! I vow to stay in touch this time. Please come by with your adorable kids on any Tuesday you please. And of course, I will totally be along for your blog ride. You are such a cool chick... I will take you in any form can get you: blog, facebook, email, phone, or *gasp* real life!
No doubt about it, i'll still be here. wish I could give you a real hug today. i'll send one telepathically . . . here it comes . . . feel it? it's a tight squeeze, lifting you up off your feet, twirling you around. . . there.
xo
i so get this! i left fb for awhile, came back just out of curiosity and now questioning WHY!?
it's a strange place and i do love how it has connected me with friends from my past... but i get that empty feeling, too.
thank you so much for you sweet comment on my video! you are a doll!
hope you have a lovely weekend!
xo
so funny. i went to leave you a message on your "wall" about how nice it was to talk to you and your sweet girl, and couldn't find you. i thought, "does she not want to be my friend anymore? hee.
i have been having this conversation with so many people in my life. how technology is changing us as a society. and to be in touch with sooooo many people at once...it can be daunting.
to have my family and circle of friends and people i haven't seen in over 20 years, communicating with me all in one place is strange sometimes. i don't know if i want my aunt in texas to see some of the stuff i am up to. lol (not that i am up to any no-good these days).
we'll be seeing you here, mama. xo
p.s. i hope the cake was delish!
Hahahaha....it's so funny because its so true. However I'm not strong enough to leave it. So for now I will continue to be consumed by my online life. I really miss you there. I'm just happy I can still keep up with you on your blog and flickr.
I have those wedding pictures ready to go...I haven't put them on discs yet but they have been edited. How should we go about making the exchange. Oh I know, WE COULD HANG OUT!!!! Lets do it. :)