"it's all about YOU,"

my husband teased as we headed OUT to dinner on christmas eve.  i thought long and hard on that because yes, i had crafted my perfect christmas.  i had spent all of december plotting and planning, baking and making, all so that when the days came i could just relax and enjoy. 

no, i did not make a christmas eve dinner: we went out for mexican.

no, i did not buy gifts for all of my family members: i gave them homemade photowires, prints of art and postcards, and lots and lots of homemade cookies.

no, we didn't go to see the lights, bundling four kids up and dragging them out into the cold: we stayed home and made our own lights, our own snowflakes, our own memories.

no, we didn't go to ballets, concerts, or shows: we sang and we performed on our own time.

no, we didn't go to a spa and get gussied up: we simply bathed in each other's company and served each other, instead of waiting to be served.

there was a moment when i stressed out, seeing all of the presents for my children that i didn't buy, feeling like i should have bought more for my nieces and nephew... but that feeling subsided as i returned to peace. 

christmas eve was spent together: baking, dancing, eating, watching (charlie brown), playing, enjoying.  we watched videos on the meaning of christmas, we sang hymns and carols, we sat by the glow of the tree and soaked up all of the love that had grown between us.  maybe it was all about me and what i wanted.  and maybe, when mama's happy and at peace...everybody's happy and at peace.