tagged 
childhood memoirs, just me, quandry
childhood memoirs, just me, quandry quandry: *the christmas i remember most*
December 5, 2008 at 10:23 PM dear internettie-webbie-kins,
i'm stuck in a bad spot and need some ideas. i was asked to do centerpieces for 2 tables at a women's church christmas dinner, the theme being, "the christmas i remember most." i'm stressing out about it in the worst kind of way and am having a hard time keeping the proper attitude about it. i'm sure for most people reflecting on christmas's of yore and picking out the very best wouldn't be that difficult. but for me, i have three vivid christmas memories:
1) the year my dad left 2 weeks before christmas, never speaking to me until after he was gone.
2) we always had very meager christmas celebration growing up. when i was in the eighth grade i asked for a paddle brush. it seemed to me that all of the beautiful and popular girls had one and would brush their hair in the middle of class, i wanted more than anything to be seen as desirable (as i think that most 13 year olds do). i received three gifts that year, i don't even remember what the others were. but when i opened up that brush, my dad laughed and said, "there's your dog brush.
3) when i was 2 or 3 we were so poe that my parents had decided that christmas wasn't going to happen. i was young enough to be happy with no presents really. as my memory serves a few days before christmas a little girl in the neighborhood died, and all of the presents that were bought for her, were brought over to my house for me. i remember a doll and a carriage and a whole lot of pink. but i remember, despite my age, feeling guilt.
so my question to you is this, do i:
a) make up some awful centerpiece with hair brushes and caskets?
b) lie about my childhood memories and do a traditional christmas-y centerpiece?
c) use the happy christmas remembrances of my own children?
i do have memories of playing board games on christmas day.
i do remember that despite how poor we were, we ALWAYS had a secret santa that brought gifts and food to the house.
i do remember our christmas kick-off, decorating the house, baking goodies, listening to nat king cole.
but the christmas i remember most? . . . . .
am i the only one that has such awful christmas memories? please share, i want to hear your three most memorable christmas's for good or for bad. i've got until tuesday to pull these centerpieces together!
love,
jenica
Reader Comments (18)
Oh Sweetie...
I think you should sit down...close your eyes...and imagine what you would have loved to remember about your Christmas...what do you do now...that is making great memories for your children...and combine those...just sit back..close your eyes...and start dreaming...
for me...
1. loads of candles/lanterns everywhere....in red/white and green...just lanterns...and little lights or candles burning everywhere...and not 3 big candles...big ones, small ones, tall ones, short ones...so many that there are nearly not enough space on the table for the food...
2. in South Africa it is quite hot over xmas. one xmas my mom took loads of apples green and red ones and combined them with some of the swirly things you put on the tree, and made a big arrangement in the middle...
3. stars....everywhere...like the first one with the candles...stars everywhere...
just sit...close your eyes...and imagine...you already know what you want to do...i know you do.
i love you xx
i think The Christmas You Remember Most could be ANY christmas....yours, your kids', someone else's, the one you've always imagined, etc...i think to relieve the stress, you should just consider it loosely - A christmas you remember...then get spanky with the glitter, babe! holidays are just so emotionally loaded - why do we celebrate them?? :) linda e (from squam)
I vote you go with something happy surrounding christmas, the cookies, or the games... or your kids Christmas's :)
However... if it were me, I would TOTALLY go with caskets and hairbrushes. ;)
first of all, we should get together and trade po' stories. because if yours extend beyond christmas like mine do, we could fill endless days with stories.
funny, i too remember lusting after a paddle brush. i don't think i ended up with one until after i started working and bought my own.
no offense to the theme creators of this event, but it's kind of stupid. maybe "my happiest christmas" or, "joys of christmases past." i think that everyone in their lives has had at least one traumatic christmas, and i'm going to bet that those are the ones everyone "remembers most." if everyone was being honest, you'd have a ton of centerpieces with dead pets and grandparents, people finding out they had cancer, stolen wallets, burned down houses, etc. so, basically know that you're going to be sitting down at tables full of lies. haha!
so, go with the theme they SHOULD have used, and make it about your BEST christmas. thats my vote. and let's trade poverty stories, soon.
We all want to remember the very first Christmas, right? Don't we "remember" that every year. Go with Jesus. (Skip the caskets, girl, although I know you were only joking.)
Oh, these are wonderful suggestions for you. Let me know if I can help you. And remember your role of creating. You can create a beautiful Christmas memory for yourself and your family.
The ironic thing about stuff like this is that i think that there are few people out there who have unequivocally pleasant memories about Christmas/Thanksgiving/birthdays/etc. Mine have always been tinged with internecine warfare, and over the last few years wondering if certain siblings would show up at all, if others would be drunk/stoned, etc. etc.
It might be nice for someone to admit openly at a RS event what we all know: life isn't always great. But it's hard to be the poster child for survival and creation. Do you have any good memories of experiencing Christmas with your children and husband? Even though your kids ripping paper off more presents than you, it's still your Christmas. This isn't making any sense, but I guess what I'm saying is that the chronology for your memorable Christmas doesn't have to be limited to pre-adulthood.
I'm going to vote either the board games, cookies, or your kid's, too ... seeing how Christmas really isn't about gifts anyway, right?
We were always poor, too, and in an attempt to take our minds off only recieving a few gifts, my parents told us we get three gifts just like baby Jesus got from the three wise men. One from a sibling, one from mom and dad, and one from Santa.
My kids are getting three presents this year - and probably always will!
I think a lot of people have memories of Christmases they (read: I'd) rather block out; luckily there are also good ones like your memories of board games, secret santas and Nat King Cole.
I'd go with the happy memories and those related to Christmas with your own beautiful family - but you could always find a way to creatively slip a miniature paddle brush in one of the centerpieces. Only you would know why it's really there. ;)
The design will make itself known when you're ready to create my dear. I have faith in that.
Love & hugs to you.
xox
Ohhh dear jenica,
this is not going to be easy is it? And especially for a women's church group.
If it were me? I'd very softly tell whomever gave you the centerpiece task that as a child there were no good Christmas memories, and if you had tough holidays as a child chances are most other women of your church group did also.
For me church has always been a place for healing hearts... and God works through His saints (that's us!) so I would take everyone who came before me's advice and I would make them surrounding your children, or Christmas memories you longed for a little girl knowing they would not come true.
I also would share with the women's group about how Christmas really was as a child, and share one of your stories, then ask others to share their painful memories too and then everyone gets to pray together to heal hearts that were broken when we were little... now that's a women's Christmas dinner for you!
About my own Christmas memories? I'll share the one that sticks with me the most...
I was 8 years old, still believed in Santa. My parents were divorced by then and it was maybe two or three weeks before Christmas, and I remember my mother in the kitchen drinking Vodka straight from the bottle... not a good sign. Drinking always led to beatings. The more she drank the more I tried to stay as far away from the kitchen as possible.
I remember she was calling me and calling me "joan... where are?" (I was hiding in my bedroom closet of course)after she called me in this sing songy voice for awhile, her tone began to change as her patience was wearing thin and I knew I had better hurry up and get myself in the kitchen pronto before the situation escalated...
I run into the kitchen all out of breath and tell my mother I was in the bathroom and had hurried as fast as I could (I had to lie an awful lot when I was little)her look of impatience softened and then she said "Come here I have a surprise to show you" and she proceeded to walk into the foyer, open the closet door, get a little footstool to stand on (me standing there holding her stockinged legs to balance her so she wouldn't fall, and then she pulled down shopping bags from Tops department store and told me Santa had come early, didn't have time to wrap anything, and just thought it would be wonderful if I got my presents early that year.
I was horrified... I knew it was a lie, I knew Santa never came early, and now I knew there was no Santa. I tried so hard not to start crying, if I cried she would get angry and that would lead to God only knows what... so I sat there scared, white as a ghost, mortified beyond belief, and had to pretend I was happy and excited and the luckiest girl on earth.
Then to top it off, she woke up the next day, walked into the living room to find me playing with one of the toys and looked confused and angry and uncertain all at the same time because she had no memory of the incident. I had to hurry up and tell her exactly what she had told me before she had time to convince herself that somehow i had gotten up on that closet shelf and took it upon myself to get the bags down... Christmas morning there were presents at my grandmother's house for me... but at my house?
Nothing under the tree Christmas morning, and my mother walking around acting as if the whole thing never happened. And little me, all I kept reminding myself of, was that it could have been worse, at least I didn't get a beating.
Jenica, I'll bet plenty of women have memories like that, and it isn't right to expect you to create an imagined centerpiece.
I'd go with your lovely children's Christmas and when someone comments on how beautiful your centerpieces are I would humbly say thank you, and then let them know the truth.
We strive so hard to overcome so many things, and lying to the church ladies is just going backwards. Plus... how on earth does a Christmas memory centerpiece look anyways? We were kids for crying out loud!
I love Linni's S.Africa memories, and as always she is right... you just close your eyes, open your heart, and everything should just fall right into place.
Please keep us posted on how it works out... we will surely be praying and rooting for you :)
And sorry about the winded Christmas memory, I hope it helps to just know you aren't alone in this.
much love to jenica... and Good Luck!
xo
i am touched by your openness, friend. if it helps at all, i have a lot of sadness around christmas too. my mother walked out on us and i remember feeling so alone and lost amidst all the christmas "joy" around me. lost, lost. totally numb. it still rears its ugly head a lot with me this time of year. if it's a christmas that you remember the most, then maybe it can be a christmas of just a year ago? or a christmas when your beautiful children first learned about christmas and you experienced the holiday in a whole new light. whatever you do, it will be beautiful.
There is nothing profound I could possibly add to all of the wonderful suggestions people have given. Definately make it what you want it to be. Forget the bad memory crap!
I guess I am lucky, because I only have good memories of Christmas. Although, we didn't even celebrate it until I was 5 because it's against my dad's religion. When we did finally celebrate it, we were so, so poor. We each had one present. The one for my mom was something that me and my brother bought at the swap meet. My mom gave us $5 and told us we could buy something with it. As I recall we found a small gold necklace pendant that said "#1 Mom." We were crestfallen when we found out it was $20. Some nice man must have seen the devisation on our little faces, because he bought it for us. That is a very precious memory.
With the creative depth that you posess, I have no doubt that you will find something beautiful for your centerpieces. I think it is a perfect opportunity to create what you want the most memorable Christmases in your life to be about. I can't wait to hear what you decide to do!
Sorry for being so longwinded...
I thought about you all day yesterday after reading your blog. I see in you the true meaning of Christmas. Where you had hard childhood experiences you have made good ones for your children. Because we have Christmas relationships, experiences, and everything bad can be perfected (or used to perfect us). I see the progression from some of your Christmases as a child to the ones you are creating for your family as the perfect Christmas message of HOPE, JOY & LOVE. You are an amazing mom, and because you came from hard places it makes it even more amazing. Good luck with the centerpieces, with your creativity I'm sure they will be beautiful!
Jenica:
After you told me this yesterday, I've been thinking about how much courage it takes for you to openly admit the issues you have surrounding the holidays. Its a time of year that a lot of us problems with, and the temptation is to just smile over the sadness and ignore it. Well, some of us can't and we don't and we shouldn't. It's ok to have a rough time with the holidays and owning it and speaking your truths.
Having said that, you also described the things you do with your little ones that are totally filled with the true spirit of christmas. I have thought of fruit trees since i left your home and was amazed at the love and generosity and kindness that goes into something like that.
I"m sure you'll figure out the centerpieces, and even if they have hairbrushes and caskets, i'm sure they will be lovely. You, however, are the loveliest part of this...your warmth, spirit, and love is so much a part of you that you probably don't even notice it. But others do...isn't that the most memorable part of christmas?
Sending much love your way.
Jenica - You have been given many ideas and things to think about. I appreciate that you are you and willing to share you. I appreciate the other bloggers who have shared some of themselves.
Jenica, you are very artistic and creative! You will come up with a beautiful centerpiece! I know you will! And people will love it! What does Christmas mean to you NOW? I think you should enjoy the creation part of it and not worry.
love you
A Christmas Past could be even last year. I think focusing on the the memories you are making for your kids and your family is the way to go! Your children can be your inspiration and you can still share your feelings of your childhood experiences with others.
As everyone has been saying, everyone has at least one crappy Christmas memory. I have a few myself.
You should have your kids help you create the centerpiece :) It will be the best one there!
i think that the christmas you remember most doesn't have to be one of your childhood christmas remembrances 'cause i am thinking that you likely have some pretty wonderful christmas memories as an adult ...
we were poor too so i have some memories of disappointments, etc though i think the christmas i remember most from my childhood is when i was three and my mom and dad gave me this big debby doll, she was bigger than me ... i loved her and she went with me everywhere!! one of my aunts even made me clothes for her and if you held her right she would walk. i think what makes it so special is that i now know that the owners of the store gave it to my parents for the low low cost of what they could afford. that alone brings tears to my eyes, that kindness that truly represents what christmas should be. (eep, getting teary over here!)
i like the suggestion of getting your kids to help you create something and making a memory in the process of remembering :)
xo
Oh my gosh! A centerpiece crisis, and I wasn't even HERE to help!
I'm sorry that you have some tough memories of childhood Christmases, but at least you have a family of your own in which to form new and more meaningful holiday memories. I'm sure you do a great job making the holidays special for your kids.