M.O.M. days 1 & 2
May 3, 2007 at 12:52 AM in honor of my birthday this month i'm following in the footsteps of michelle http://www.asweetlife.typepad.com and having a M.O.M (month of me). everyday this month i will be doing something nourishing for myself, purposefully and without guilt. now, because family is everywhere for me, i may be doing a lot (read most) of my activities with my kiddles in tow. but the purpose will be to edify myself through simple pleasures and not allowing myself to get too stressed out by things that don't matter. because as a mother, there isn't a lot of edification coming from anyone else and it's pretty darn easy to lose my cool over stupid things.
so yesterday i bought a camera as my MOM trip. it's replacing the nasty 3.1 megapixles that i've been living with for a few years. it's a pentax optio a20
i've been wanting something better than what i have and am so happy to have something easy to use that takes clear, beautiful pictures of my kids. i'm no photographer, but i do want amazing pics of my kids. so buying this camera was my me thing of yesterday.
and today my me moment was taking pictures of my kids in the courtyard outside my midwife's office.
it seems that despite happy moments like this, every where i go the phrase, "well, you don't look overwhelmed at all!" is sarcastically said to me. i liked to just smile and say, "don't you worry, i'm pregnant too!" but now, the pregnancy bump announces it for me. i remember when i had just the two kids, and despite them being so close in age (18 months), i was a darn good mama. and people could see it. we did school work every day, we played with paint and crafty things; we spent the day playing puzzles, discovering nature, and singing together. i was constantly told how beautiful and well kept and intelligent and creative my children were, and how patient i was. now my mind is going a million places at once, my house is a disaster, my kids are dirty and unkept, and i barely have the memory to get dressed every day...in real clothes.
so today after our beautiful time at my midwife's office, a quick jaunt to the store...where the above phrase was said to me AGAIN, we came home past nap time with three WIRED children and one GRUMPY mama. i spent the rest of the day too overwhelmed and too mean to cope. after i finally finagled the kids into bed for the night i sat down to watch some tv. john turned to me, on commercial break of course, and simply said, "i love you, little one." and that was all it took to make the tears flow. he held me for several minutes as i cried and cried, mourning the loss of "good mama" status.
i obviously put WAY too much stock in what other people think of me and say to me, but really, who doesn't? on easter sunday both of my older kids got taken out of their primary class because of misbehavior. we got them calmed down and sent back to class. but F's teacher, who is one of the sweetest, most wonderfullest women i know said, "oh hunny, i pity you. you've got your hands full and it's only going to get busier from here!" is it really that bad??? apparently. because every where i go i appear to be in way over my head.
and so i embark on this M.O.M. experience, afraid and disheveled. if i put too much "me" time into life will i lose control over the last little bit that i have control over? will the time allow me to be that good mama again? will i make the right choices over what i do for MOM time, or will i just end up locking myself in a room so that i can eat some soulful chocolate chips by myself? because i can't just go in and take a bubble bath, i'd have to actually CLEAN the tub first.
Reader Comments (5)
Ah Miss Jenica :)
I love that you are doing this. When I read it on Michelle's blog I thought, "what a great thing to do!"
And now I love it even more.
Don't worry. I get that from people too... Like, ALL the time. My favorite is the people I don't know very well, who are oh so well intentioned. "Oh, I can't imagine! I am glad I only have the one." Or something equally as dumb.
I must look very frazzled most of the time.
I think your photo's of you and the kiddies are adorable. And Yay for the new camera!
xoxo
I always get "HOW many kids do you have???" followed by "How old are you???" Just ignore them. Or my favorite is "Wow. You've got your hands full..." as they let the door slam behind them. Gee- thanks for your help.
I was just telling my husband that I was such a good mom with my 1st 2. They are 19 months apart. But now I feel like my 2 youngest are getting jipped. I'm always so busy driving the older ones to all their things and housework has quadrupled since the 1st couple of kids, I am just too worn out to do all the good things I used to do.
I'm positive you're a good mama. Otherwise you wouldn't be worried about it. :)
My husband and I have 7 kids between the 2 of us: 12 yo, 10.5 yo, three 8 yr olds, 3 yo and 15 month old. Believe me- I know frazzled. :)
Sorry this is so long...
Oh my Jek. You have nothing to worry about. I have spent enough time with you to know that your an incredible momma!! You need not worry. Your kids love you, and you do so much for them! Even at their young age, they realize it! Dont worry alright peaches! Your a super mom! One day, when I have kids of my own, I hope I take care of them as well as you do with your little ones!! And plus you have a great husband backing you up 110%!! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
: )
what a absolutely wonderful gift to yourself, yah you!!
its funny because i was totally prepared to be completely overwhelmed and frazzled with the twins and reading this i am so jealous that i didn't get to experience that ... don't worry about what others say because it is obvious from reading your blog that you are an amazing mom :)
have a wonderful time with your new camera ...
Ohh, I'm feeling ya, Sista. Nothing gets me worse than the looks I get when people judge me for a toddler melt down at Wal-Mart. People will say things like, "Boy, you sure have your hands full." Or they get annoyed because I can't get the groceries loaded onto the belt fast enough when I'm trying to deal with an antsy tot and a baby strapped to my chest. Why not offer to help instead or rolling your eyes at me? I dread every trip to the grocery store because there isn't a single rendevoux there that doesn't end up making me want to throw myself on the ground and kick and scream. Ok, I'm totally exagerrating. Bella likes to do the kicking and crying for me though.
I totally think doing something nice for yourself is a great idea. It helps so much. For me, going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week does it. It helps me to feel like there is some seperateness in our togetherness. And a bit of that is good for the soul.
I love, love, love the pictures. And I think you are a fabulous mother! Also, congrats on the new camera! :-)